


fool

by shinsukita



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Confrontations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-03 16:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21182636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinsukita/pseuds/shinsukita
Summary: Kita was far away and Atsumu didn’t know how to make it okay.





	1. 1

Atsumu was a fool. 

It wasn’t that he was mean at people sometimes or he was acting stupid most of the time. He was a fool, because he let go of something very important to him for stupid reasons. 

He was young, he was in love for the first time and didn’t know what to do. No one told him that falling in love was like that, he always thought that it’d be butterflies and flowers. It was like that at first, even just seeing him was a beautiful feeling. He’d do cleaning after practices to just to see him a little more, would sit with him on lunch breaks by making excuses that ‘no one wants to eat with him’ or ‘his brother is sick of him’. He’d sometimes walk with him after schools even though their houses wasn’t in the same direction. Every second he spent with him was precious to him. 

After a while Atsumu started wanting more, he wanted to hold hands, hug him, touch him just because he wanted. He wanted to kiss him so bad that it became a torture to him. 

Atsumu was lucky, for some reasons Kita liked him back. Kita was the one who confessed, Atsumu was the one who kissed. They both said ‘I love yous’ at the same time.  
There was just one problem, Kita was going to graduate soon. Kita knew what he was going to do, of course, he had plans. All Atsumu knew was he wanted to continue playing. Kita wasn’t going to play volleyball, he was going to go university, get a normal job, have a steady life. Atsumu wasn’t steady, didn’t have plans, didn’t really think about his future. They might be okay for a year but as soon as Atsumu graduates it wasn’t going to be okay. They’d have to go different ways, they’d have different lifes. Atsumu didn’t know if they had enough space for each other. He thought that even if they didn’t break up now life was gonna break them in a painful way. He didn’t want to let go of Kita but he didn’t want to make him sad too.  
These thought kept him awake, kept him away from Kita and at the end it broke them apart.

Kita wasn’t mad at Atsumu, he didn’t hate  
Atsumu but Atsumu wished that he was mad. Because that day was the second time he saw Kita cry and it hurt to be reason of it.  
Time passed, he grew up a little and he realized how stupid he was. He realized that he only thought about bad parts, the bad parts that even haven’t happened. He decided instead of Kita, he didn’t ask him anything. He didn’t ask his opinion, he didn’t share his worries. He just kept everything to himself.  
He missed Kita. He wanted to call, go search for him, apologize. But didn’t know how to fix all of this. It’s been a year, Atsumu thought, does he still love me? Does he miss me? Is he over me?  
He decided that he was gonna ask these questions. One day, he was gonna find him and ask if he could give him a second chance. He believed, one day.

-

Kita wasn’t there for their reuonion.  
Kita wasn’t using the same number.  
Kita wasn’t living in the same city.  
And he had to learn from his ex teammates that he wasn’t here because he lost the only thing connected him to here, his grandma.  
He wasn’t next to him when he lost his grandma. He wasn’t holding his hand, supporting him, wiping his tears away.  
Kita was far away and Atsumu didn’t know how to make it okay.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘’You were the first thing that wasn’t predictable. You were so different, interesting and exciting. My habits, my daily missions, my goals, they all made me feel good. Volleyball was fun sometimes, being with my teammates brought me joy but these feeling wasn’t something new to me. But my feelings for you was new because I couldn’t even see them forming, becoming a thing. You were always there but my feelings developed by the time. It wasn’t noticeable at first but when I noticed them they were hard to avoid.’’

''I’m out to smoke.’’

Atsumu was stupid, he thought seeing Kita again would be painless. He thought the ache in his heart was hurting less, he’d be able to handle seeing him. It was sad seeing him but the more heartbreaking thing was realizing that he wasn't like before. Kita wasn’t like before, there was a person, breathing, eating, smiling but it wasn’t the Kita he loved. 

''I came out to scold you but turns out smoking was just an excuse.’’

Kita was smiling softly but Atsumu knew it wasn’t a real smile and Atsumu didn’t know how to act towards Kita.

''I just wanted to-‘’  
''Is it because of me? Do I bother you?’’

No, he wanted to say. I miss you, I can’t be in the same room with you and be apart from you, I want to run to you, I want to hug you.

Kita sat down and leaned back to wall. He smiled softly and looked at the dark sky. This time smiling looked like more Kita like, but Atsumu knew this wasn't a happy smile.

''You know I thought if I skipped the meetings I could forget about the past. If I just abandon everything about this place, I could find a different peace. I was wrong, again, like most of time. I never ran away, never backed down, I studied, practiced, I did what had to be done and it felt good. Everything was predictable, everything was in order.’’

Atsumu sat down next to Kita and waited for what was gonna come next.

''You were the first thing that wasn’t predictable. You were so different, interesting and exciting. My habits, my daily missions, my goals, they all made me feel good. Volleyball was fun sometimes, being with my teammates brought me joy but these feeling weren’t something new to me. But my feelings for you were new because I couldn’t even see them forming, becoming a thing. You were always there but my feelings developed by the time. It wasn’t noticeable at first but when I noticed them they were hard to avoid.’’

He put his head to Atsumu’s shoulder but he didn't look at Atsumu at all. He was still looking at the sky. The stars were barely there but he could tell that to Kita sky was the most beautiful scenery at that time.

''You were like a sun, you know? You always shone so bright, it made my heart ache at some point. But it was beautiful, having you as my first love. I’ll always be grateful to you, you gave me the perfect first love story. But I always knew that you were gonna leave, one day or another, I just hoped that you’ll ask me to leave with you or just want me to wait for you. I guess I was just naive, not all high school loves last. It was okay, I mean leaving you hurt, it was another feeling I didn’t know I could feel, and didn’t know that it could hurt more than not being able to play with Inarizaki once more. But I knew I would be okay and I knew you’d be okay too. I just couldn’t know that I’d lose two person who is very dear to me in short time.’’

Atsumu could feel Kita crying and he couldn't stop himself from crying too. If everything was like before, they would wipe each other’s tears but now Atsumu couldn’t reach to Kita. He was right beside him but also very far away from him.

''I forgot what felt good, why did I do all these daily things? I forgot the good feeling that came from just doing things, taking care of myself, taking care of my life, taking care of others. I just missed my grandma, missed her every day. It was miserable, saying goodbye to the person who raised me. She was so proud of me, on court or not. She always bragged that she had such an amazing grandson who took care of her. She would always joke about me marrying before she was dead and was glad that she could see me falling in love while she was alive. When she learnt that I was in love with you she was the one who told me about the feelings. When you were gone she was the one who told me about heart breaks. But one day she was gone, and I didn’t know what to do. I always knew what to do. I had plans for daily things, had plans for my future. Once she was gone I forgot that I had future and got stuck in past.’’

Kita wiped his tears and stood up.

''Till today I was stuck up in past. I thought If I ignored you pain would go away, if I ignored this place pain wouldn’t exist. But now I know better. I have to move on, I won’t forget you, I won’t forget about this place. I’ll just remember the good days, beautiful memories that you gave me. I have a future, and before that future I have the road, road that will make me a better person than I am now.’’

Kita leaned down and kissed Atsumu’s head.

‘’Wish we had another chance, wish I could knew the person you are today. But now I’ll set you free and with that I’ll set myself free. Good bye Atsumu, hope we will meet again and you will tell me the person you’ve became.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear this was gonna have a good ending but my hand just slipped


End file.
